A Lot Ado About Having Sex With Lesbians | Autostraddle

It has been a huge few days for homosexual-related very first individual narratives in liberal-and-feminist-but-mostly-heterosexual journals!

All of our very first piece relates to you via xojane, the women’s site headed up by Jane Pratt (my character)

(i am significant) of

Sassy

and

Jane.

Titled ”
I am a Lesbian Pillow Princess
,” this piece belongs to the “It Happened in my experience” function which also existed at JANE magazine and consists mainly of writer/reader-submitted reports of subjectively interesting private encounters.

The unknown writer of this part, which I’ll contact “Ariel,” is obviously bisexual, but because she readily provides blow tasks to her male lovers but doesn’t time or frequently decrease on women, she’s, she describes, officially, merely a ”

Lesbian

Pillow Princess.” (She in addition means by herself as “mostly right” and “straight” at different points in story.) Her reputation started, she clarifies, when the woman very first lesbian hookup — a smokin’ hot dyke known as Kelly at the woman school — went down on the for an hour. She la-la-la-loved it immediately after which instantly fled the scene fearing her very own incapacity to do these great cunnilingus upon Kelly for such a prolonged time frame.

She produces:

“of course, word got around that she and I also had installed and that I’d left this lady dangling, which had the strange effectation of providing me personally folk-heroine status. Kelly labeled as myself a “pillow princess,” and henceforth, I was one. It was like some type of movie conceit the spot where the hero is actually recognised incorrectly as a celebrity and gets to ride in a limo and remain in a fancy hotel considering it.”

This seemingly totally worked out in her own support, as she romped about in university hooking up with lots of “aggressive kinds exactly who got off regarding the proven fact that I happened to be reluctant to leave a female touch myself.” Post-college, she moved on on the internet, in which she marketed this lady relaxed status and sometimes came across with women for NSA sex.

Nearby the conclusion she problematically clarifies that whenever hooking up with a lady she’s perhaps not drawn to, she just shuts her eyes and envisions some other person “while [the lesbian] really does the woman thing.” Often it seems like she wants ladies to consume the woman away simply because they can be allegedly better at it than the male is. She

could

drop on it but “I’m not online dating all of them, and I also don’t think i might want to have my fetish corrupted by looking after somebody adequate to give back.”

I would personallynot want to stay alongside Ariel on a plane, but the woman one-sided intimate activities are consensual and she’s simply advising a true story of her life, so I’m certainly not certain things to make of this (and I’m interested to understand what you will be making of it, if any such thing).

necessary hyperlink

After that, on Jezebel (via
The Nice Men Venture
) we have
We hitched a Lesbian (And I’m a Guy)
. The author, Hugo Schwyzer, “tended attain crushes for a passing fancy kind of woman: the celebrity baseball player, the football onward, the swimmer. Some had been lesbians. Some just weren’t.” The guy questioned:

The facts that received me so often to women who happened to be same-sex drawn? It surely was not the stereotypical male fantasy about what they were carrying out during intercourse, therefore undoubtedly had nothing in connection with a macho perception that i really could turn a gay woman right.

In components, the piece (which really does tred on some stereotypical surface) reminded myself of your quotation from

The Girls Next Door

,
that I quoted in articles about feminine maleness
:

“…if we’d which will make another generalization about lesbian taste, it would be that the majority of us tend to be incredibly attracted to women, gay or right, breathtaking or otherwise not, just who seem as though they can take care of themselves.”

The writer in the course of time marries a lesbian just who provided as direct, and he found their own ensuing love life to get unsatisfactory. She refused to provide him blow tasks and didn’t like entrance but happily accepted their choices of cunnilingus. Whenever their own sexless matrimony finished in divorce or separation and a drug relapse (for him), he or she is relatively thoughtful to his ex-wife’s struggle versus marking the woman as misleading (as numerous associated with commenters do):

She had come from an old-fashioned family members who would happen profoundly embarrassed getting a homosexual kid. She may usually have known, but performed this lady better to conceal it, maybe wishing that her feelings might transform. Or she might have been like many women i have identified, and only found her true intimate identification after currently getting married to a man.

What is redeeming about it essay in my experience that the author’s conception of their own sex is usually without the conventional masculine posturing any might anticipate in a bit along these lines (he actually describes himself as “femmy”). Maybe it just appears that way because men thus rarely write on desiring powerful, sports, effective ladies with short hair; but it’s energizing nevertheless.

Really don’t fault Hugo or Ariel for advising their particular tales, but it’s really worth mentioning that both narratives appear to ride regarding idea that bedroom conduct is the ultimate/only litmus test of sexuality. Hugo and Courtney enjoy one another’s company, but Hugo cites Courtney’s disinterest in penetration as a “warning sign” the guy missed, when penetration is scarcely a specifically heterosexual work (this indicates more likely Courtney feared the intimacy of penetration with one she didn’t truly want is with, but really that knows) and slipping in love, ultimately, concerns your own vagina but it’s additionally regarding the center and it is generally about having passionate emotions. Those romantic feelings are the thing that converts a hook-up union into a relationship, most likely.

Finally at

nerve.com

we’ve a nice tale directly through the horse’s mouth —
My Personal First Time: Female. 17. San Francisco Bay Area
. I do believe here is the very first time the “First Time” series has actually showcased a lesbian.

Basically, in ninth grade, mcdougal confessed to her closest friend that she had lesbian thoughts on her behalf, along with her best friend reciprocated, and they proceeded to carry on a covert lesbian connection and they’re however with each other today and she’s a grown-up inside the armed forces!

This indicates they’ve however to simply take their relationship from the closet, that will be somewhat puzzling, but whatever

. [

ETA

: Turns out this story was composed before DADT was actually repealed, though it just adopted printed, consequently there is nothing puzzling occurring here. This is simply straight-up nice in every way, unequivocally.]

The main focus on the portion (basically really lovely and sweet) is on the author’s finding of
just what lesbian sex IS
:

We had never been down on each some other, and that I ended up being sure that’s what we would meant whenever we mentioned we wished to have intercourse. (today I recognize that there is more to fucking than slurping a lady’s snatch and phoning it each day.)

She concludes:

I’m sure that the majority of folks disagree with what virginity methods to a homosexual woman, but virginity is very subjective, also it truly is dependent upon the person you’re inquiring. Many people might state entrance must be involved, but i believe it is around the individual shedding their virginity. If I feel I missing my personal virginity, subsequently goddammit, I have!

I spent all the day and afternoon staring at wordpress, racking your brains on what point I could create about some of these parts. I imagined much about why we’d never ever distribute “I found myself a Lesbian Pillow Princess” on this subject internet site but can not get past the explanation that I would fear 50 of you would vow never to get back here therefore the remaning many-thousands people would battle with each other about bisexual erasure/lesbian erasure up until the temperature death of the world. We pictured some body distributing “I became a Lesbian Pillow Princess” to you via mail following We thought the editorial conference where we might can that story and all sorts of state “NO” in addition.

In seeking a spot to gleam because of these stories, I tried to figure out what you’d consider or say, and that I can not, and I need to finish this blog post today to improve the process of me discovering how you feel about these tales. Yup, the very first time since that time beginning Autostraddle, I’ve got little idea what things to say about anything. Thus maybe i will simply want to know — what is actually your reaction to these parts?